Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Sunday, April 12, 2009
US shows its might in Pakistan
Pakistan may be downtrodden but its Prime Minister still commands due respect from foreign dignitaries, including U.S. Special Envoy Richard Holbrooke and Admiral Mike Molin. One can only imagine what they would do for President Zardari!!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Sunday, February 11, 2007
President Obama?
Is America ready for a President who is not white, and not black either? Senator Barack Obama, who announced his candidacy for the Democratic Party nomination yesterday, has forced people to ask this intriguing question. Obama is a product of a Kenyan immigrant father and white mother from Wichita, Kansas. His father left the family and returned to Kenya when Obama was only two years old. Does this make Obama a Black American? He is not a descendant of a slave from West Africa to qualify as a Black American. In fact, he is more white than Michael Jackson.
Why should it matter whether someone is white or black to be elected as the President? Luckily for Obama, it does matter. White Americans may find enough white in him to vote for him and for blacks, he is one of them. And if he wins, it will be a national celebration on the streets of Nairobi as "their son" will become the President and Commander-in-Chief of the only superpower in the world. One more national holiday for Kenyans!
If this Black n White debate was not enough then there is another twist in this fascinating story. Obama's middle name is Hussein. That's right, Barack Hussein Obama! Now all the Muslims will also jump on his bandwagon. Sorry, Hillary. Looks like Obama has all bases covered.
It will be the first time in the U.S. history that they will have a President whose name rhymes with their enemy #1 of the day. Consider the recent Presidents and their chief nemesis of the day:
Carter vs Ayatollah - no rhyming at all!
Reagan vs Qaddafi, Gaddaphi, Khaddafi (all three of them)
Bush Sr vs Saddam
Clinton vs Gingrich?
Bush Jr vs Saddam (part 2)
and now ...
Obama vs Osama - now we are talking! and rhyming!
There could be interesting exchanges between the two.
Obama to Osama: Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.
Osama: Hey, dude. Chill. Come, share with me my favourite food, Shawarma.
Obama: Sorry, I am too busy. I go to Alabama.
Osama: Why in Iraq you make all this Hangama?
Obama to Osama: I'll tell you in a minute. First, come out of the hole, if you are a Mardana.
.
Why should it matter whether someone is white or black to be elected as the President? Luckily for Obama, it does matter. White Americans may find enough white in him to vote for him and for blacks, he is one of them. And if he wins, it will be a national celebration on the streets of Nairobi as "their son" will become the President and Commander-in-Chief of the only superpower in the world. One more national holiday for Kenyans!
If this Black n White debate was not enough then there is another twist in this fascinating story. Obama's middle name is Hussein. That's right, Barack Hussein Obama! Now all the Muslims will also jump on his bandwagon. Sorry, Hillary. Looks like Obama has all bases covered.
It will be the first time in the U.S. history that they will have a President whose name rhymes with their enemy #1 of the day. Consider the recent Presidents and their chief nemesis of the day:
Carter vs Ayatollah - no rhyming at all!
Reagan vs Qaddafi, Gaddaphi, Khaddafi (all three of them)
Bush Sr vs Saddam
Clinton vs Gingrich?
Bush Jr vs Saddam (part 2)
and now ...
Obama vs Osama - now we are talking! and rhyming!
There could be interesting exchanges between the two.
Obama to Osama: Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.
Osama: Hey, dude. Chill. Come, share with me my favourite food, Shawarma.
Obama: Sorry, I am too busy. I go to Alabama.
Osama: Why in Iraq you make all this Hangama?
Obama to Osama: I'll tell you in a minute. First, come out of the hole, if you are a Mardana.
.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Little Mosque on the Prairie
The TV show everyone is talking about, Little Mosque on the Prairie, the new CBC comedy about Muslims living in a small prairie town, is created by Zarqa Nawaz, a Canadian of Pakistani origin.
You can watch the first episode at the YouTube. Here are the links - its uploaded in 4 parts, the show starts at 2 minutes in the first part.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu2-lXDe2to&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmSAYyTKD0o&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4SH-vxBZEo&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsOH7Kmmfrs&mode=related&search=
.
You can watch the first episode at the YouTube. Here are the links - its uploaded in 4 parts, the show starts at 2 minutes in the first part.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu2-lXDe2to&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmSAYyTKD0o&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4SH-vxBZEo&mode=related&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RsOH7Kmmfrs&mode=related&search=
.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Guess who is going Metric!
What do Burma, Liberia and the United States of America have in common? These are the only three countries which still measure the distance in miles!!!
With key allies like Burma and Liberia the U.S. has so far maintained its bulwark against the tide of the Metric system (or SI) of weights and measures. But, not for long. This strategic allinace seems to be crumbling. NASA has recently decided to fly the next moon mission entirely in metric. Foot, pound and gallon will be replaced by meter, kilogram, and litre. This was inevitable, as all other countries involved in space missions work in Metric. This leaves any space experts in Burma and Liberia on their own! What a terrible way to end this long time alliance. This may be the first time that the U.S. is actually following rather than leading the rest of the world in the scientific arena.
Interestingly, the foot was based on the size of the foot of one of the kings of England. That is no way to run a space program, based on a dead king's shoe size!
It will be a long time before we see full metricanization of the U.S. When asked why the U.S. is still resisting the conversion to the metric system, a top U.S. administration official said, "we are not dragging our feet. We are moving towards metric inch-by-inch."
For NASA though, it would mean a lot more km to fly to the moon than they were used to in miles (1 mile = 1.6 km). And no NASA scientist can now claim "my mile is bigger than your km", the same way as the U.S. General Boykin in Somalia had declared "my God is bigger than theirs".
With key allies like Burma and Liberia the U.S. has so far maintained its bulwark against the tide of the Metric system (or SI) of weights and measures. But, not for long. This strategic allinace seems to be crumbling. NASA has recently decided to fly the next moon mission entirely in metric. Foot, pound and gallon will be replaced by meter, kilogram, and litre. This was inevitable, as all other countries involved in space missions work in Metric. This leaves any space experts in Burma and Liberia on their own! What a terrible way to end this long time alliance. This may be the first time that the U.S. is actually following rather than leading the rest of the world in the scientific arena.
Interestingly, the foot was based on the size of the foot of one of the kings of England. That is no way to run a space program, based on a dead king's shoe size!
It will be a long time before we see full metricanization of the U.S. When asked why the U.S. is still resisting the conversion to the metric system, a top U.S. administration official said, "we are not dragging our feet. We are moving towards metric inch-by-inch."
For NASA though, it would mean a lot more km to fly to the moon than they were used to in miles (1 mile = 1.6 km). And no NASA scientist can now claim "my mile is bigger than your km", the same way as the U.S. General Boykin in Somalia had declared "my God is bigger than theirs".
Monday, December 25, 2006
Mil Specs
How Military Specifications Live for Ever
The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did “they” use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long-distance roads, because that’s the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long-distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original question. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (military spec)for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever.
So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. The Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and the U.S. railroads were built by English expatriates.
Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did “they” use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long-distance roads, because that’s the spacing of the old wheel ruts.
So who built these old rutted roads? The first long-distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts? The initial ruts which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons were first made by Roman war chariots. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
Thus, we have the answer to the original question. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches derives from the original specification (military spec)for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Military specs and bureaucracies live forever.
So, the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse’s ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. The Imperial Roman chariots were made to be just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
103 Percent
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
H A R D W O R K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top!!!
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
K N O W L E D G E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
H A R D W O R K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
But,
A T T I T U D E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B U L L S H I T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, and bullshit will put you over the top!!!
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